D ▲ N
"My name is Daniel. I am seventeen years old. I graduated high school with the class of 2014. I was raised by a single mother, a sister, a younger brother, sometimes close family, and sometimes by men who called themselves my “dad”. The reason I say sometimes for those, is because they weren’t always there. I was raised in a very unhealthy manner, emotionally, mentally, and socially. However, I was raised. I went through a bit in life. It wasn’t easy, but when has it ever been, right? Anyways, I’ve been hospitalized a couple times. Suicide attempts being the main cause. After five months of turning seventeen I was diagnosed with severe to major depression, social anxiety, bipolar disorder, and was attending therapy on the basis that I was a psychopath while also on a 24 hour watch because I had tendency of having a heavy hand for pain relievers, and a problem with drinking, and a craving to smoke. I was taking thirteen pills a day all for those reasons. I felt nothing. I wasn’t myself, I wasn’t anyone or anything. I was just a presence. I stopped attending therapy and seeing my doctors because I wasn’t going anywhere. I was simply a puppet to my prescription. Although I tried to be a better, healthier, happier person. It wasn’t easy. I have a younger brother that I want to be a role model too. But all he was looking up too was the second floor of Loma Linda University’s Behavior Medical Center, were I was hospitalized in total for 17 days. August 31, I stopped taking my pills and prepared myself for the unexpected withdrawals in my near future. I got through them. Dreadful and an absolutely excruciating pain was felt for a period of three days. I feel better than I ever did while on the pills. I know I can be happy. I just need to overcome my own demons. To be honest I still get sad or down or want to kill myself but I can fight it now. I can extinguish the thoughts that burned me now. Because I choose too. I still have an eating disorder I still drink sometimes and I still get suicidal. That hasn’t changed yet, although it’s vastly greater than it was before; the one thing that has changed is that, I want to live more than I want to die. I want to find my purpose in life and I want to experience it at it’s fullest. Every second I get. I want to cherish it. Because I am only learning from my experiences. And I can only learn more. To my little brother, I love you. You will always be my hero and I will always look up to you & even though I’m a couple feet taller, you’re the man. But I still want to show you that no matter how hard it gets, you can always choose to get through it. Choices define us. I didn’t mean to post this but I have no one to talk too and that’s okay. But I just really wanted to let this out. Honestly I’m not sure how I’ve lived this long, but I guess you’d be surprised too by how far you get when you take things one day at a time."
"My brother killed himself
on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year
and I missed four days of work
and my mom wanted to know ‘Why’.
My brother
he was always a fan of beauty
but what he did
was not beautiful at all.

And last week I got the news
that one of my good friends from high school
had overdosed
(again)
except this time
she’d gone too far
and now she was gone.
And I had a hard time falling asleep at night
and her mother
hugged me tight
and thanked me for coming to the service
but I did not
want to be there at all.
This is not
beautiful.

The girl down the street
would’ve turned 21 last year
and I can scarcely imagine
the wild times she would’ve
(should’ve)
had.
But she is buried six feet deep
after falling nearly 300
and she did not leave a note.
This is not
beautiful.

My freshman year of college
and my roommate was beautiful
and how I wanted to be just like her.
But she wore herself down
till she was
almost invisible
and if you blinked
you had to go and find her all over again.
So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition
but are paying her hospital bills
watching their daughter crumble.
This is not
beautiful.

So y’all can take your narcissistic
romanticizing
and glamorizing
of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide
and shove them as far up your ass
as you possibly can.
Starvation is not beautiful.
Killing yourself is not beautiful.
Sadness
is not beautiful.
This note I am writing
is not beautiful.

But you
you are beautiful
and it’s about damn time you start believing it.

"
-

(via runiqu)

Damn…

(via being-healthy-matters)

(via razors-and-bandaids)

Everyone get this in your heads!

(via spirit-realm)
biancacomeillatteneracomelamorte:


💎
The “yes or no” game

You can ask me anything and I’ll answer honestly, but only with yes or no.

(Source: hxxt)



republic.
海洋|✘